Five long years have passed since you’ve been gone
Since we last heard your unmistakable laugh
Like a schoolgirl, who feels self-conscious in her spontaneity
But time has done nothing to fade
The memory of your voice, your words, your gestures
Those things that made you unmistakeably you
You have left me motherless and alone
Yet something of you lingers on in me
Deeper than shared experience or DNA
I see the evidence of your legacy every day
It shapes the values that determine how I live
My love of travel and the written word
I remember the stories you read to me when I was small
A different one each night to spark my imagination
The soft lilt of your voice lulling me to sleep
And how I discovered the truth about Father Christmas
The year you tripped over the foot of my bed
Delivering my stocking after one too many glasses of wine
I remember how you stood up to my teachers
When they refused to give me a chance
“If she’s so bright, let her prove it” they said
Undeterred, you replied
“She can’t, she’s too depressed to get out of bed
It’s not her job to prove anything, it’s your job to teach her”
In the end, they relented
Worn down by your tireless appeals
To their better nature
I remember how brave you were
Faced with the knowledge that your illness had no cure
No trace of self-pity, the grace of your acceptance a lesson to us all
And how hard you fought towards the end
Struggling for each breath, with that same steely determination
That characterised your entire life
We will always miss you Mama
You gave so much to those you loved
I was blessed to have you as my mother
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