I shall live badly if I do not write, and I shall write badly if I do not live.’ Francoise Sagan

Saturday 28 November 2020

Snail Mail: A Letter of Gratitude




 

Five long years have passed since you’ve been gone

Since we last heard your unmistakable laugh

Like a schoolgirl, who feels self-conscious in her spontaneity

 

But time has done nothing to fade

The memory of your voice, your words, your gestures

Those things that made you unmistakeably you

 

You have left me motherless and alone

Yet something of you lingers on in me

Deeper than shared experience or DNA 

 

I see the evidence of your legacy every day

It shapes the values that determine how I live 

My love of travel and the written word

 

I remember the stories you read to me when I was small

A different one each night to spark my imagination

The soft lilt of your voice lulling me to sleep

 

And how I discovered the truth about Father Christmas 

The year you tripped over the foot of my bed

Delivering my stocking after one too many glasses of wine

 

I remember how you stood up to my teachers

When they refused to give me a chance

“If she’s so bright, let her prove it” they said

 

Undeterred, you replied

“She can’t, she’s too depressed to get out of bed

It’s not her job to prove anything, it’s your job to teach her”

 

In the end, they relented 

Worn down by your tireless appeals

To their better nature

 

I remember how brave you were

Faced with the knowledge that your illness had no cure

No trace of self-pity, the grace of your acceptance a lesson to us all

 

And how hard you fought towards the end

Struggling for each breath, with that same steely determination

That characterised your entire life

 

We will always miss you Mama

You gave so much to those you loved

I was blessed to have you as my mother


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