I shall live badly if I do not write, and I shall write badly if I do not live.’ Francoise Sagan

Monday, 5 December 2011

A timely reminder...

A friend of mine recently asked me why I haven't written anything on my blog for some time. In the course of our conversation, I was surprised to discover that he is a regular follower of my internet musings and that, furthermore, he actually looks forward to reading my new posts. I was unsure how to respond at first, partly because I hadn't fully articulated - even to myself - the reasons why I had stopped writing but his question got me thinking. So, after a few moments of reflection, I replied that I had not written any new posts in the last couple of months because I have been going through a very dark period in my personal life. I also ventured to speculate that, perhaps as a result of this, my creative muse has temporarily abandoned me. Yet, as I said these things, I realised that there had actually been another deeper reason for my recent silence. So, I finally admitted  - both to him and to myself - that a sense of shame and failure had been preventing me from writing; this is because my previous blog post was on the subject of happiness and since I had so clearly failed to follow my own advice about how to be happy, I no longer felt that I had anything of value to say. I also felt like a fraud: after all, what is the point of writing knowledgably on a particular subject unless you are able to practice what you preach?!

What happened next was one of the most beautiful reminders I have had to date of the abiding presence of grace in my life. To clarify, those of you have read my previous posts will recall that I have a strong belief in the existence of angels. I believe that these benevolent beings can take any form and that they act as messengers who invariably appear when they are most needed – whether to save us from danger or merely to offer a much-needed piece of advice. When times are bleak, I sometimes forget that I am not alone and do not need to struggle with my burdens single-handedly but this chance encounter was a reminder of their presence and of the protective forces supporting my life. I should add that I had not seen the friend in question for many weeks and I certainly did not expect to see him at that moment in time but suddenly there he was, telling me exactly what I needed to hear, just when I needed to hear it. What he actually said was very simple but it seems to me that simplicity is often the hallmark of true wisdom. In essence, this is the message that my angel in disguise had been sent to convey:

- There is no reason to feel like a failure because you have not yet found the happiness you deserve.
- Just because you cannot always live up to the words of wisdom that you share with others does not invalidate what you have to say or detract in any way from its truth.
- Writing is what you most love to do and, whether your words are of hope and inspiration or sorrow and regret does not matter; what matters is only that you use this talent to communicate your truth and connect with others.

For now, this is all I want to share with my readers but I wanted to take this opportunity to give thanks to those who love and support me – known and unknown – and to offer up a prayer that you may always be with me. I feel truly humbled and blessed by your presence.